40 week update

So, Wednesday was my 40 week mark. BP still good, baby's HR still good... got another ultrasound, and Val is estimated to weigh nearly 9 lbs. oy!

1cm dilated on Wednesday...and if I don't go into labor on my own between now & the 8th, I will have to be at the hospital at 4am (too goddamn early! fucking doctor doesn't need to be there to catch her - someone else can do it if he really has to be home w/his family!) for induction. I do NOT want to be induced. DO. NOT. Why? Because inductions raise the chances of a c-section. I really don't want that either.

I've got issues concerning both... the worst is that I think I'll feel like a failure if I have to have a c-section. Huge failure. (Please don't leave comments saying otherwise-you don't know what's going on in my head) ...

My cousin, Scott, has fucking lied to me. First time, that I know of... the day after my baby shower, he called and said he wanted to get me a travel system. I said I'd already gotten one, and he said for me to take it back, that it's something he does for all his cousins. Well, I took the one I had back, and now I have nothing to bring my daughter home from the hospital in... he's asked my color pref, but no word since. Nothing. So, since I've heard nothing - and my due date has come and gone - I feel the need to go back to the store I bought the other travel system at and hope it's still in stock. Even if he just texted me to say he doesn't have the cash flow right now, that's fine - at least I'd know SOMETHING!

My mom has said for me to give him a chance... yeah, my baby shower was a month ago - he's had PLENTY OF TIME... I told her that she oughtta call him and tell him that he broke my heart... that's how I feel right now. I love Scott - he's one of the cousins I don't get to see very often (he lives in Michigan), and I've always felt a connection with him... sort of like a consigliere.

Gabe's co-worker told him that I should have my doc give me a work release... that she thinks I'm not dilating due to work stress. I don't have that much stress at work - beyond some fucker drinking half my 7up (my name on the bottle) and putting it back in the fridge. I don't think taking off early from work would help... at home, I'd be on my ass most of the day, and at work, I get up, walk around to do my job - and that keeps my hips loose and not as sore. *sigh* Gabe thinks I'm in the wrong for not taking her advice - well, whatever, I doubt my job is as stressful as hers... I appreciate that she wants to help us out... but I'm not really trusting of people who don't know me (she knows him, and he knows me - but I don't want to know her. Really)...and I almost always think there's an ulterior motive. If she doesn't have one, great ... if she does, then I'm a step ahead because I expected it.

Yes, I hate feeling like that... but they are valid feelings.

......grrrr. Between Val's procrastinating, not hearing from Scott, and unsolicited advice from a virtual stranger - I'm pretty fucking frustrated.