Get out of my house! Get out!

I haven't had ANY freaky-scary dreams in a couple of weeks... not that I remember, anyway.

Last night, I could not get comfortable, and I couldn't sleep. I kinda blame the 2-hour nap Gabe & I had when I got home.

I remember seeing something wavy in the air and telling it to leave.

Then I turned over and "went back to sleep" ... only to wake up with no voice to scream with... Eventually, something came out so at the top of my lungs - "GET OUT!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"

This happened a couple times. I don't know what or who I was yelling at, but it felt like something/someone was trying to get in... In where, though? My apartment? My head? I felt scared but not to the point where I was shaking when I did finally wake up.

Gabe asked if I wanted him closer, and yes, I most definitely did. I sleep better when I'm touching him or when he's holding me. So he rearranged my body pillow, and I turned over and got comfy. His arms around me, I felt safe and cozy, and eventually drifted off... then I "woke up" screaming again - starting with no voice, just as before... but this time, it took longer to get my voice back. That angered me, and I put more force into screaming...

I don't understand WTF is going on here. There's nothing I find threatening in the apartment.

Gabe told me that there's a spirit trying to attach herself to me, but she's finding it difficult because I am resisting and because I have no idea where Serena (my crystal) is ... I know she's somewhere IN the apartment. Now, I did try to reach out to this spirit and tell her to come into my dreams to communicate...and I asked her to put on a familiar face... but I can't help but wonder if that was her that was scaring me. I wouldn't think so, as she, through Gabe, told me that she's here for me and the baby... just as James is there for Gabe and the baby.

I can't deal with more dreams like that...

Bratty time - baby shower whine

Mom wants to have my baby shower at Chuck E. Cheese.

NO.

I did not care for Chuck E. Cheese (Chunky Cheese, as she calls it) as a child, why in HELL would I want to go now??

She said it's to entertain all the kids that would be at my baby shower... oh really? Because there's going to be more kids than adults? I don't think so. In fact, kids over 5 are not invited. Period. I don't SEE any relatives or friends' kids regularly (there ARE some exceptions - and unfortunately, I may be fuckin' guilted into letting ALLLLLL my family's kids come), and I'm not about to fend off a bunch of fucking questions at MY baby shower. I'd just as soon have an all adult baby shower... with the exception of the little ones - like Kristin's Emie and Eva's Addison ... little ones, I can deal with.

As far as I'm concerned - and this goes along with every other baby shower I've been to - this is MY day to sit on a lily pad and be worshiped. Ok, not really worshiped, but it's one of the few days that are all about ME! ...and it's not even a recurring event. It's a one-time thing, unlike my birthday or mine & Gabe's anniversary. One time!

...and I should get a say in food, games, people to be invited and location. Does anyone disagree?

Seriously - a couple of kids, I can deal with ... if I've actually been in contact with them in the last year or so... Eva's kids, yes, her sister and SIL's kids? Meh - I don't ever see them... honestly - I could go w/o seeing her SIL. Ever. The last time I saw her, she'd been more snobby than ever, and I don't need a reason to feel pressured or stressed when I'm pregnant and at a party for me and my baby.

If Mom's looking for a way to cut costs - don't serve food! Cake, ice cream & drinks are ALL you really need. Seriously! I certainly don't want the option of pimento cheese sandwiches (which were served at my cousin's shower in Feb) - ugh... *shudders*

I want a simple gathering - friends and family that actually give a damn about Gabe, Val & me - not just coming because it's a party and time to be social. Those of you who really know me, know I don't like dealing with bullshit. If you REALLY want to come and show love for Val and me - wonderful, I can't wait to see you there (and kiss on all the chubba-cheeked babies!).

No, we don't have a date yet, but since I'm due around the end of June/early July, that's something Mom & I really need to nail down soon... and we will, once we decide on WHERE! ...lol.

It's not going to be Chuck E Cheese. Hell no. It may be at mom's house, but it might have to be outside to fit everyone... then again, if Gabe and I take the leap and buy a house - THAT is where it will be ... and we'll call it an "unpacking" baby shower...kidding!

Dreams vs. Reality ... an interesting new symptom

So here's a new pregnancy symptom - not being able to tell my dreams from reality. OY!

I had a couple dreams this morning about Gabe. In one, we were talking houses and he asked if I'd found anymore... being half-asleep and wanting to stay that way until I HAD to get up, I kinda got a mad at him saying something like "they list new houses every day!" ... more whining than anything...

I was completely certain he'd asked me this, but I just texted Gabe and asked - nope, not a conversation we had... but keep looking anyway. LOL

In the other dream, I was trying to get ready for work, but was running late, and Gabe and I were faux-arguing over something silly - but I couldn't tell that he wasn't frustrated ... until I handed him a banana and said "take this with you" and he kinda smirked and I started giggling... jeez.

Funny thing though... he did take a banana with him. So did I.

My dreams have just been weird lately... out of far left field! I don't get it. My dreams have always had a fantastic quality about them... but now, I swear it's all baby brain ... I just have to really try and not get mad at people for the shit they pull in my dreams - it could be real or not...

Oh... and I woke up for a potty run about 2:45 ... and I had NO clue what day it was. I kept thinking... man, I have a doc appointment today... or is it tomorrow? Hmm... so I looked at my phone. Jeez... I really had a better grip on this brain a long time ago.