Well, it's been some time since the last update...so here goes:
We got out of the hospital on Saturday, and I ended up going to the ER the following Wednesday night... my incision was draining. A LOT. ...and the drainage smelled - granted, it smelled like old blood, which is supposedly normal(ish), but it still freaked me the fuck out.
14 hours in the fucking ER. 14. Fucking. Hours. ...then I finally got into a room. While in the ER - got an IV, bloodwork, CT scan, a couple bandage changes, and had to feel the pressure of thinking Gabe was about to crack. He left the room a couple of times for bathroom breaks and to walk around ... sometimes he took Val, sometimes he left her with me - not that I could do anything. Doc Williams talked about the possibility of surgery or someone from radiology using a needle to drain the incision... neither happened. I found this out AFTER I got into my room... he came in and said he'd just let it drain on its own (oh, yay) and give me antibiotics - 2 different ones (sometimes, it sucks to be allergic to penicillin)... and one of which can possibly cause problems in BF babies... I read the "CareNote" that the nurse printed out for me...and then immediately called his office - I don't want to risk Val's health b/c I'm sick. He checked again, and then he reassured me that it was fine to nurse her while on the meds...
...well, the first nurse that was caring for me scared the piss out of me. She said "you need someone here to care for your baby, while we're caring for you. Be sure to wash your hands really well before touching her, because you don't want to get her sick... just in case your infection tests as resistant to antibiotics" ...I don't remember all of what she said, but she basically told me that if I touched Val, I'd make her sick - and she was less than 1 week old. No, I didn't have anyone to leave her with...thankfully, Mom was able to come stay with me while Gabe had to work.
...and before you think it - my doc said that it was NOT MY FAULT that the incision started draining. He said that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, even though there are people in my life who think otherwise and have told me so (you know who you are-and I'm waiting for my apology).
The drainage was coming from between the subcutaneous layer where he stitched me up and the top layer that was superglued... better than staples, thank you very much.
In other news...
Val had her 2 week pediatrician appointment last Monday (okay, she wasn't exactly 2 weeks old) with the same pedi that saw her at the hospital. He's in Conroe - do you think it's worth the drive for a pedi that you LIKE? In this case, I do...but once I go back to work, well, we'll see.
She's nearly back up to her birth weight - 8lbs .5 oz at the doc's - and she's gained 1/2" in length - up to 20.5" long! yay!
I asked the doc all kinds of questions, as did my mom & Gabe - and he reassured us as new parents that what's going on is normal (I was concerned w/the hiccups), and that she's healthy and we've got nothing to worry about...
...but I failed to ask about her behavior when she's drifting off... Val rolls her eyes up and her lids flutter when she's about half asleep...it looks like she's having a seizure, but Mom says that's normal, and that Brittney fell asleep much the same way. Gabe's not too concerned... he says I'm worried over nothing. That may well be, but I'm still gonna ask her doc when we go back next week.
Val's still eating like a little piggy... since my hospital stay, my supply has declined some, but she's still nursing and we're supplementing with formula - more formula than boob juice, and that sucks... but I think I'm on the way back to having the supply I did before.
Thanks to my mom, Gabe and I are both getting some sleep ... when we stay at Mom's while Gabe's on overnights, I actually get 9 hours or so of straight sleep - yay. Mom says that during that time, Val gets up twice - 330am and 7am or thereabouts. Not too bad...
...now, if only I can convince Gabe to make OUR bed, and let Val sleep in her bassinet next to our bed. He's scared to sleep while she's sleeping... I understand that fear, but we still need our sleep. I told him that if he's that concerned, we should invest in a motion monitor by AngelCare - it sends an alarm to 2 receivers if there's no movement for 20 seconds. He thinks that's too much $ to spend... for our peace of mind, and sanity from sleep - I think it's worth it. Val is definitely worth it.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Valkyrie's Birth Story
Wednesday morning, we went to St Luke's for my induction, to try and get labor started... everything about the induction SUCKED.
4am, check in, get to my L&D room, change and hop in bed... The IV hurt like a motherfucker, but that's the only way the pitocin (evil!) was getting into my body... minor contractions started later in the morning. My first nurse checked me - 80% effaced and 1cm dilated... 90 minutes later, in walks doc Williams, and HE had to check me too - by this time, I'm already pissed - if you've never had a hand in your vag to check your cervix - it's NOT FUN, and VERY uncomfortable..... seriously - it felt like I was being violated. Every time.
What's less fun? Having to stay on my goddamn back so the nurses could monitor Val's heartbeat and my contractions. When I started asking for drugs - Stadol for pain, Phenergan for nausea - I was finally able to get SOME sleep... and that went on all day. The first dose knocked me out, which was good, because Gabe was finally able to get some sleep too. That was probably around 9 or 10 or so... from then up until 2 or 3pm, it was a barrage of dozing, getting up (painfully) to go pee, cervical checks and arguing with the fucking nurses about being able to find Val's heartrate because I HAD to try and get comfy... let me mention here, that her heartrate was steady. It would elevate when she would play ninja and move away from the monitor or when she would stick her feet in my ribs... NEVER showed signed of fetal distress. NEVER.
2pm or so, Doc Williams checked me one last time - NO progress, new gameplan. Turn off the pitocin and let me and Gabe eat some food, then after eating, I'd get Cervadil inserted (yeah, that was a boatload of fun, too), and 12 hours later (or so) I'd get checked and see what was going on...
So we ate some - me, Gabe, Mom & Dad - and mom and dad left to go home, partly because I didn't want them to see me in the state I was in - insane, pissed, hurt, and in lots of pain. Got the Cervadil a little after 6... still in pain, because the pitocin DID induce labor, and turning it off didn't stop it. So... all night, back and forth, trying to sleep, get drugs for pain - my back labor was fucking murder! I wanted to KILL my doctor - this was not the way I wanted my daughter born.
Gabe was awesome through all this... I was able to teach him how to massage my back so that the labor didn't hurt quite as bad. He did what he could to sleep, and he set up my computer's power cord as a link between us, when he needed to sleep on the floor beside me - he said "just pull it, and I'll get up". I never did pull it, but the nurses made him move from the floor - the couch was too uncomfy for him... and he was miserable. It sucked for both of us - we both hate seeing each other in pain, and he offered to break Doc Williams' legs for me. Anything to not see me hurting.
The next morning, after getting my vag violated again - still NO progress. Doc says, "we gotta do a c-section" ... my labor was unproductive and the baby wasn't descending. I immediately freaked out, and Gabe was at my side telling me that everything would be fine and that we'd get to meet our daughter. Between him and the handful of amazing nurses - I felt okay about it, even though I was upset. Kym was the super-perky one - and the one I adore the most...she was so bright and positive it was hard to stay on the dark side of things. She had to call anethesiology, and when things were put in motion, I asked her how long and she said "about 45 minutes, you might wanna get on that phone" ...so I did. Tried calling mom, but she was driving, so I called dad and told him to find her and get there because I was about to go have the baby... I sent text messages to a few people, but not to everyone...I sent them to the people that know how to say "Hey, it's okay, we love you and can't wait to hear everything!"
After all was said and done, they wheeled me off to the O.R. and Kym told me what was going to happen and that I could do it, and she'd be there the whole time. She even hooked up my iPod so we could have Metallica in the background (I joked to Doc Williams that I didn't have any Jimmy Buffett on it). He wanted a combined spinal/epidural so it would last a long time and be super fast-acting.
The anesthesiologist was a rock star! He only whined that my IV wasn't in a big vein and that I needed more fluids, but as soon as he started poking around my back, he said, "yeah, this is good" ... Kym gave me a pillow and had me lean over, and she put her arms around me, making me arch my back more... She said "You'll feel a stick and you might feel a burning sensation, and then you'll feel some pressure" .... I told her "we'll have the pressure vs. pain conversation later" and we laughed some about it (yeah, totally nervous laughter on my part). The needle stick was NOT that bad, and I didn't feel a burning, I felt like there was a bubble moving down the right side of my back, then when Kym said something about feeling pressure, I felt a bubble down the left side...not weird at all. Then she said "Ok, it's done" and before she finished saying that, I felt warmth spreading ... and they had me lay down - and let me say this - holy shit, that stuff worked FAST! ...and I'm so glad it was warm, b/c the OR was COLD.
The brought up the drape so I couldn't see anything, three nurses got my non-working legs apart for the foley catheter and that was the last sensation I had of my legs - it felt like they were OPEN for the rest of the surgery!
Doc started the surgery and Holly (in pink) was behind me asking if I needed anything - I needed anti-nausea meds and my husband....she said he was on the way in, and so were my drugs. He sat next to me and held my hand... I always feared the worst about c-sections - dying because I bled out... he took away all my fear when I saw the love in his eyes. Holly (in pink) told me when they were at my uterus, that I'd feel them pulling and pushing around my ribs when they were getting her out. She told me they were almost there, and all I could think was "fuck, that's weird!" hehe... they pulled her out, cut the cord and she cried out I will NEVER forget that moment... I looked right at Gabe and we were both crying... I didn't get to see or feel her being born, but hearing those first cries made all I went through for her worth it... every bit of it, totally worth hearing those cries...and seeing Gabe's eyes told me so much. He's always been my hero - and he always will be.
When they were closing me up, Gabe went over to where the nurses were cleaning up Val, and after they swaddled her and gave her to him - he came over to me, and I looked right into her beautiful eyes and cried even harder. Gabe was looking at her with disbelief, awe, and so much love. ...seeing him looking at her like that made me love him even more - I didn't think it was possible.
When doc Williams was done, Kym said "Ok, Laura, we're supergluing your incision and then we're done!" They wheeled me back to my L&D room...
Val's stats - 8lbs 1oz, 20 inches long, born 7.9.09 at 9:19am.
Just a minute after her birth, she pooed all over the place...hehe.
Mom and Dad came into my room right after I got rolled back in... mom was boo-hooing, of course, and Dad was relieved to see that I was ok. About 20 minutes later, the LC came in because we needed to get established in breastfeeding right away so that the bond and desire for Val to BF would be strong...OH- and it IS!
After, they moved me to the post partum floor (just one up)... on the way up, mind you, I'm just now getting SOME feeling back... Kym tells me that she had to give me a shot in my thigh to stop my bleeding...I joked with her that "oh, so that why I have this sore spot!" "No you don't! Let me see, is that where i got ya?" ... totally kidding.
The worst part of recovery was that I couldn't help Gabe with her messy dipes and I couldn't get up - between numbness and the foley...ugh. The next morning, the really worst part was getting the foley out - oh, that hurt like a motherfucker! ...I felt violated yet again... I cried a lot of tears because it hurt... the tech's saying "take a deep breath" and I'm thinking STFU. Then she breaks out the peri bottle and starts cleaning me up (I saw the blood on the foley after she yanked it out - feels like a pinch? not on your fuckin life)... she said "this will taking away the stinging" ...umm, HOW does it take away the sting when you're not even cleaning where the sting IS!??!?! Stupid cunt - I'm really glad that she didn't come back the next day.
The night nurse was awesome - Tracy... she was funny and positive, kinda like Kym, and I really appreciated it.
After the foley came out, about an hour or two later - after Carol, my day nurse, came in to tell me to call her when I was ready to try getting up - I got up, without her help... but with Gabe's. It felt SOOOO freaking good to pee on my own, even if it hurt like hell getting there... honestly, though, the numbness in my ass (from being bedridden for 24 hours post-surg) was far more painful than my abs. Carol was VERY impressed - yeah, I called her after the fact... and when she came in, I was standing up and holding Val... and Val seemed so happy to have her happy mom back...and Gabe was relieved to have some help with her, and he could get some sleep.
I got a shower later that day (the 10th) and it felt amaaaaazzzzing!!! After that, I put on MY clothes - buh-bye hospital gown!!! I stayed in real clothes for the rest of the time we were there... Doc Williams came by and checked my incision - all looks good.
This morning, Saturday the 11th, Carol started arranging things, helping me out so we could be discharged. She even wheeled me down to the car and gave me a hug before we left and said how beautiful and amazing I did as far as recovering. I sat in the backseat with Val for the drive home... Gabe insisted.
We're home now... and while I am in lots of pain still, I've got my meds, my man, and my baby girl. I'm in love...head over heels.
4am, check in, get to my L&D room, change and hop in bed... The IV hurt like a motherfucker, but that's the only way the pitocin (evil!) was getting into my body... minor contractions started later in the morning. My first nurse checked me - 80% effaced and 1cm dilated... 90 minutes later, in walks doc Williams, and HE had to check me too - by this time, I'm already pissed - if you've never had a hand in your vag to check your cervix - it's NOT FUN, and VERY uncomfortable..... seriously - it felt like I was being violated. Every time.
What's less fun? Having to stay on my goddamn back so the nurses could monitor Val's heartbeat and my contractions. When I started asking for drugs - Stadol for pain, Phenergan for nausea - I was finally able to get SOME sleep... and that went on all day. The first dose knocked me out, which was good, because Gabe was finally able to get some sleep too. That was probably around 9 or 10 or so... from then up until 2 or 3pm, it was a barrage of dozing, getting up (painfully) to go pee, cervical checks and arguing with the fucking nurses about being able to find Val's heartrate because I HAD to try and get comfy... let me mention here, that her heartrate was steady. It would elevate when she would play ninja and move away from the monitor or when she would stick her feet in my ribs... NEVER showed signed of fetal distress. NEVER.
2pm or so, Doc Williams checked me one last time - NO progress, new gameplan. Turn off the pitocin and let me and Gabe eat some food, then after eating, I'd get Cervadil inserted (yeah, that was a boatload of fun, too), and 12 hours later (or so) I'd get checked and see what was going on...
So we ate some - me, Gabe, Mom & Dad - and mom and dad left to go home, partly because I didn't want them to see me in the state I was in - insane, pissed, hurt, and in lots of pain. Got the Cervadil a little after 6... still in pain, because the pitocin DID induce labor, and turning it off didn't stop it. So... all night, back and forth, trying to sleep, get drugs for pain - my back labor was fucking murder! I wanted to KILL my doctor - this was not the way I wanted my daughter born.
Gabe was awesome through all this... I was able to teach him how to massage my back so that the labor didn't hurt quite as bad. He did what he could to sleep, and he set up my computer's power cord as a link between us, when he needed to sleep on the floor beside me - he said "just pull it, and I'll get up". I never did pull it, but the nurses made him move from the floor - the couch was too uncomfy for him... and he was miserable. It sucked for both of us - we both hate seeing each other in pain, and he offered to break Doc Williams' legs for me. Anything to not see me hurting.
The next morning, after getting my vag violated again - still NO progress. Doc says, "we gotta do a c-section" ... my labor was unproductive and the baby wasn't descending. I immediately freaked out, and Gabe was at my side telling me that everything would be fine and that we'd get to meet our daughter. Between him and the handful of amazing nurses - I felt okay about it, even though I was upset. Kym was the super-perky one - and the one I adore the most...she was so bright and positive it was hard to stay on the dark side of things. She had to call anethesiology, and when things were put in motion, I asked her how long and she said "about 45 minutes, you might wanna get on that phone" ...so I did. Tried calling mom, but she was driving, so I called dad and told him to find her and get there because I was about to go have the baby... I sent text messages to a few people, but not to everyone...I sent them to the people that know how to say "Hey, it's okay, we love you and can't wait to hear everything!"
After all was said and done, they wheeled me off to the O.R. and Kym told me what was going to happen and that I could do it, and she'd be there the whole time. She even hooked up my iPod so we could have Metallica in the background (I joked to Doc Williams that I didn't have any Jimmy Buffett on it). He wanted a combined spinal/epidural so it would last a long time and be super fast-acting.
The anesthesiologist was a rock star! He only whined that my IV wasn't in a big vein and that I needed more fluids, but as soon as he started poking around my back, he said, "yeah, this is good" ... Kym gave me a pillow and had me lean over, and she put her arms around me, making me arch my back more... She said "You'll feel a stick and you might feel a burning sensation, and then you'll feel some pressure" .... I told her "we'll have the pressure vs. pain conversation later" and we laughed some about it (yeah, totally nervous laughter on my part). The needle stick was NOT that bad, and I didn't feel a burning, I felt like there was a bubble moving down the right side of my back, then when Kym said something about feeling pressure, I felt a bubble down the left side...not weird at all. Then she said "Ok, it's done" and before she finished saying that, I felt warmth spreading ... and they had me lay down - and let me say this - holy shit, that stuff worked FAST! ...and I'm so glad it was warm, b/c the OR was COLD.
The brought up the drape so I couldn't see anything, three nurses got my non-working legs apart for the foley catheter and that was the last sensation I had of my legs - it felt like they were OPEN for the rest of the surgery!
Doc started the surgery and Holly (in pink) was behind me asking if I needed anything - I needed anti-nausea meds and my husband....she said he was on the way in, and so were my drugs. He sat next to me and held my hand... I always feared the worst about c-sections - dying because I bled out... he took away all my fear when I saw the love in his eyes. Holly (in pink) told me when they were at my uterus, that I'd feel them pulling and pushing around my ribs when they were getting her out. She told me they were almost there, and all I could think was "fuck, that's weird!" hehe... they pulled her out, cut the cord and she cried out I will NEVER forget that moment... I looked right at Gabe and we were both crying... I didn't get to see or feel her being born, but hearing those first cries made all I went through for her worth it... every bit of it, totally worth hearing those cries...and seeing Gabe's eyes told me so much. He's always been my hero - and he always will be.
When they were closing me up, Gabe went over to where the nurses were cleaning up Val, and after they swaddled her and gave her to him - he came over to me, and I looked right into her beautiful eyes and cried even harder. Gabe was looking at her with disbelief, awe, and so much love. ...seeing him looking at her like that made me love him even more - I didn't think it was possible.
When doc Williams was done, Kym said "Ok, Laura, we're supergluing your incision and then we're done!" They wheeled me back to my L&D room...
Val's stats - 8lbs 1oz, 20 inches long, born 7.9.09 at 9:19am.
Just a minute after her birth, she pooed all over the place...hehe.
Mom and Dad came into my room right after I got rolled back in... mom was boo-hooing, of course, and Dad was relieved to see that I was ok. About 20 minutes later, the LC came in because we needed to get established in breastfeeding right away so that the bond and desire for Val to BF would be strong...OH- and it IS!
After, they moved me to the post partum floor (just one up)... on the way up, mind you, I'm just now getting SOME feeling back... Kym tells me that she had to give me a shot in my thigh to stop my bleeding...I joked with her that "oh, so that why I have this sore spot!" "No you don't! Let me see, is that where i got ya?" ... totally kidding.
The worst part of recovery was that I couldn't help Gabe with her messy dipes and I couldn't get up - between numbness and the foley...ugh. The next morning, the really worst part was getting the foley out - oh, that hurt like a motherfucker! ...I felt violated yet again... I cried a lot of tears because it hurt... the tech's saying "take a deep breath" and I'm thinking STFU. Then she breaks out the peri bottle and starts cleaning me up (I saw the blood on the foley after she yanked it out - feels like a pinch? not on your fuckin life)... she said "this will taking away the stinging" ...umm, HOW does it take away the sting when you're not even cleaning where the sting IS!??!?! Stupid cunt - I'm really glad that she didn't come back the next day.
The night nurse was awesome - Tracy... she was funny and positive, kinda like Kym, and I really appreciated it.
After the foley came out, about an hour or two later - after Carol, my day nurse, came in to tell me to call her when I was ready to try getting up - I got up, without her help... but with Gabe's. It felt SOOOO freaking good to pee on my own, even if it hurt like hell getting there... honestly, though, the numbness in my ass (from being bedridden for 24 hours post-surg) was far more painful than my abs. Carol was VERY impressed - yeah, I called her after the fact... and when she came in, I was standing up and holding Val... and Val seemed so happy to have her happy mom back...and Gabe was relieved to have some help with her, and he could get some sleep.
I got a shower later that day (the 10th) and it felt amaaaaazzzzing!!! After that, I put on MY clothes - buh-bye hospital gown!!! I stayed in real clothes for the rest of the time we were there... Doc Williams came by and checked my incision - all looks good.
This morning, Saturday the 11th, Carol started arranging things, helping me out so we could be discharged. She even wheeled me down to the car and gave me a hug before we left and said how beautiful and amazing I did as far as recovering. I sat in the backseat with Val for the drive home... Gabe insisted.
We're home now... and while I am in lots of pain still, I've got my meds, my man, and my baby girl. I'm in love...head over heels.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
40 week update
So, Wednesday was my 40 week mark. BP still good, baby's HR still good... got another ultrasound, and Val is estimated to weigh nearly 9 lbs. oy!
1cm dilated on Wednesday...and if I don't go into labor on my own between now & the 8th, I will have to be at the hospital at 4am (too goddamn early! fucking doctor doesn't need to be there to catch her - someone else can do it if he really has to be home w/his family!) for induction. I do NOT want to be induced. DO. NOT. Why? Because inductions raise the chances of a c-section. I really don't want that either.
I've got issues concerning both... the worst is that I think I'll feel like a failure if I have to have a c-section. Huge failure. (Please don't leave comments saying otherwise-you don't know what's going on in my head) ...
My cousin, Scott, has fucking lied to me. First time, that I know of... the day after my baby shower, he called and said he wanted to get me a travel system. I said I'd already gotten one, and he said for me to take it back, that it's something he does for all his cousins. Well, I took the one I had back, and now I have nothing to bring my daughter home from the hospital in... he's asked my color pref, but no word since. Nothing. So, since I've heard nothing - and my due date has come and gone - I feel the need to go back to the store I bought the other travel system at and hope it's still in stock. Even if he just texted me to say he doesn't have the cash flow right now, that's fine - at least I'd know SOMETHING!
My mom has said for me to give him a chance... yeah, my baby shower was a month ago - he's had PLENTY OF TIME... I told her that she oughtta call him and tell him that he broke my heart... that's how I feel right now. I love Scott - he's one of the cousins I don't get to see very often (he lives in Michigan), and I've always felt a connection with him... sort of like a consigliere.
Gabe's co-worker told him that I should have my doc give me a work release... that she thinks I'm not dilating due to work stress. I don't have that much stress at work - beyond some fucker drinking half my 7up (my name on the bottle) and putting it back in the fridge. I don't think taking off early from work would help... at home, I'd be on my ass most of the day, and at work, I get up, walk around to do my job - and that keeps my hips loose and not as sore. *sigh* Gabe thinks I'm in the wrong for not taking her advice - well, whatever, I doubt my job is as stressful as hers... I appreciate that she wants to help us out... but I'm not really trusting of people who don't know me (she knows him, and he knows me - but I don't want to know her. Really)...and I almost always think there's an ulterior motive. If she doesn't have one, great ... if she does, then I'm a step ahead because I expected it.
Yes, I hate feeling like that... but they are valid feelings.
......grrrr. Between Val's procrastinating, not hearing from Scott, and unsolicited advice from a virtual stranger - I'm pretty fucking frustrated.
1cm dilated on Wednesday...and if I don't go into labor on my own between now & the 8th, I will have to be at the hospital at 4am (too goddamn early! fucking doctor doesn't need to be there to catch her - someone else can do it if he really has to be home w/his family!) for induction. I do NOT want to be induced. DO. NOT. Why? Because inductions raise the chances of a c-section. I really don't want that either.
I've got issues concerning both... the worst is that I think I'll feel like a failure if I have to have a c-section. Huge failure. (Please don't leave comments saying otherwise-you don't know what's going on in my head) ...
My cousin, Scott, has fucking lied to me. First time, that I know of... the day after my baby shower, he called and said he wanted to get me a travel system. I said I'd already gotten one, and he said for me to take it back, that it's something he does for all his cousins. Well, I took the one I had back, and now I have nothing to bring my daughter home from the hospital in... he's asked my color pref, but no word since. Nothing. So, since I've heard nothing - and my due date has come and gone - I feel the need to go back to the store I bought the other travel system at and hope it's still in stock. Even if he just texted me to say he doesn't have the cash flow right now, that's fine - at least I'd know SOMETHING!
My mom has said for me to give him a chance... yeah, my baby shower was a month ago - he's had PLENTY OF TIME... I told her that she oughtta call him and tell him that he broke my heart... that's how I feel right now. I love Scott - he's one of the cousins I don't get to see very often (he lives in Michigan), and I've always felt a connection with him... sort of like a consigliere.
Gabe's co-worker told him that I should have my doc give me a work release... that she thinks I'm not dilating due to work stress. I don't have that much stress at work - beyond some fucker drinking half my 7up (my name on the bottle) and putting it back in the fridge. I don't think taking off early from work would help... at home, I'd be on my ass most of the day, and at work, I get up, walk around to do my job - and that keeps my hips loose and not as sore. *sigh* Gabe thinks I'm in the wrong for not taking her advice - well, whatever, I doubt my job is as stressful as hers... I appreciate that she wants to help us out... but I'm not really trusting of people who don't know me (she knows him, and he knows me - but I don't want to know her. Really)...and I almost always think there's an ulterior motive. If she doesn't have one, great ... if she does, then I'm a step ahead because I expected it.
Yes, I hate feeling like that... but they are valid feelings.
......grrrr. Between Val's procrastinating, not hearing from Scott, and unsolicited advice from a virtual stranger - I'm pretty fucking frustrated.
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